Alice the Fortune Teller
by thecupcakequeen
Summary: One day Alice comes home bored only to find Edward, Bella and Emmett hooked on some show called 'The one'. After Emmett insults her about her fortune telling abilities she gets revenge! Introducing Madame Alice! Set during Eclipse.
1. Chapter 1

Alice the Fortune Teller

**So this is my first fanfic. I am really happy with this first chapter and I hope that you enjoy it. Reviews are kindly appreciated.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight *sigh* :'(**

"So the next step is…" said Mr Banner, I groaned under my breath, too quiet for any of the humans to be able to hear. You would think that after going to high school more than 20 times in forty five different countries around the world I would be used to an average biology lesson.

But no! In fact it got more monotonous ever. Jasper, who was sitting next to me, felt my extreme boredom and annoyance squeezed my hand under the table. 'Just only 14 mins left', he said quietly 'And then we can do whatever you want'.

Sure enough, the seconds trickled slowly by and then the bell rang loudly; our cue to leave. I skipped down the hall with Jasper by my side towards my beautiful yellow Porsche that Edward got for me as a bribe to keep Bella whenever he went hunting. I wasn't supposed to drive it, but I simply couldn't resist.

A crowd of teenage schoolboys were crowded around my car, with obvious lust in their eyes. Manoeuvring around them I got in the car with Jasper and successfully drove out of the car park without running over anyone and sped down the highway to our house hidden in the forest.

Edward and Bella were probably there as they skipped school after third period as their biology class were blood typing again, and after that disastrous incident that happened last year, they decided that it was best to bunk off school.

I was right-as we approached the driveway, I could hear Bella, Edward and Emmett all in the living room watching some show on the new television that Esme got after Edward broke the previous one when he got into a temper. Emmett got really mad at him as he couldn't watch the rest of the FIFA world cup live as the new TV took two weeks to arrive from Japan.

Rosalie was under Emmett's jeep trying to fix the engine, humming to herself. And as for Esme and Carlisle, they were off together for a week at New York as Carlisle had a medical conference and Esme got some contracts for her designs.

This left us Cullen kids and Bella alone for a whole week until Sunday. 'Hey guys!' I sang walking into the living room. 'Hi Alice', they replied, their eyes glued to the television, not looking or moving from where they were sitting. 'Well!' I huffed "_That's_ not a very nice way to greet your sister" they didn't respond.

This was starting to freak me out a bit. I mean, I had never seen Emmett so quiet before. They were all mesmerised with whatever they were watching on the TV. And frankly, it irritated me.

When the ad break came on they seemed to break out of their trance and began to murmur excitedly to each other. All I could catch that they were talking about some _Madame Cassandra_. 'What were you watching?' I asked. Jasper looked at them with curiosity as well. Like me, he had found their behaviour extremely odd too.

Emmett who began excitedly said 'It's this amazing show called _The One_. It's about this woman called Madame Cassandra who tells the future of people using her crystal ball lined with gold, tea leaves; you name it! And she's NEVER wrong!' 'Remember the part when she knew that guy's cat was going to die on Monday just from touching his ring?' added Bella excitedly. 'I know! It's so cool!' Edward said.

Jasper and I were stunned in disbelief. I couldn't believe they were so impressed by some phoney woman who claimed to know the future. Didn't they know that it was a con? 'You know guys; this _Madame_ probably pays the people on the show to know their details like some creepy stalker. It's not true you know'. 'It is', said Emmett earnestly. Then he said the comment that pushed me off the edge. 'She is like amaaaaazing! She's even better than you, Alice!' he crowed 'She is the one!'

His second comment pushed me off the edge. Now don't get me wrong. I am not that person who gets angry very easily. That's _Edwards's_ job. But saying that phoney woman Cassandra is better than me? That's across the line.

I'll show him. I will show all of them. Dragging Jasper along with me I stomped up the stairs and slammed the door of our room behind us, leaving Emmett, Bella & Edward to watch their stupid show. A brilliant plan began to form in my head. I would become a fortune teller myself. A _true_ one. I would even get a silly crystal ball as a prop. One lined with gold AND studded with rubies and diamonds.

An evil smile crept upon my face as I began to tell Jasper phase 1 of my plan.

Introducing Madame Alice Cullen!


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay folks, Chapter 2 is up! I forget to tell you, though if you are smart you could have probably guessed, but this story is set in Eclipse. Sorry if this chapter is a bit short. **

**Disclaimer-**

**Me: (In the forest in Forks) "Muahahahahaha! I have finally succeeded in taking Twilight for myself." *smiles triumphantly and skips away singing***

**Edward: *suddenly appearing in front of me* "Give that back."**

**Me: Hey! Where did **_**you **_**come from?**

**Edward:*smiles smugly* "My super fast vampire skills, remember? Oh and Alice warned me."**

**Me: "Stupid vampire know-it-all and psychic pixie!"**

**Edward: "You're changing the subject."**

**Me: *innocently* "I have no idea what you're talking about at all"**

**Edward: "Say it"**

**Me: Nooo!**

**Edward: Say it, out loud **

**Me: "Fine."**

**Edward: *Smirk smirk***

**Me: "I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. S Meyer owns them all except for Edward."*smiles***

**Edward:" WHAT!"**

**Me: "Haha. Just kidding. Although I wish" **

**Edward: Runs away, grumbling under his breath, leaving me all alone in the forest….**

The next day dawned cloudy and grey as usual, but I was too immersed in my thoughts too care. I was thinking about what I was going to do. Beside me Jasper was lounging on the red leather couch in our bedroom, reading a book about the Civil War, probably ridiculing the inaccuracy of the events that were recorded by the inept historians of this day and age.

Today I was going to get Rosalie to help me with the plan. After all, she wasn't with Emmett, Bella and Edward when they were watching that show (if you could call it a show). Hopefully she hadn't seen it yet and fallen under its curse. I detested this Madame Cassandra for what she done to my family and how she had influenced them in such a manner. To say that woman was better than me!

Like that phrase _keep your friends close, but your enemies closer_, I decided to find out as much about her as possible. Opening up my laptop, I turned it on and waited for it to start up. Once logging in, I went to Google, my hands pivoted above the black keyboard. What should I write? Hmmm…

Madame Cassandra, The One and then I clicked search. What I found was astonishing! The blasted program had over 25 million viewer ratings across the country let alone the world. And Madame Cassandra was making a fortune out of all of this crap! I clicked for a full-sized picture of her on a website. She could at least have developed a good sense of style. I shuddered, staring at the hideous multicoloured dress that she was wearing with plastic beads dangling of the edge. Adorning her neck was an assortment of necklaces of all different shapes, colours and sizes. Thick chunky bangles circled her skinny wrists and on each finger on both hands was a ring with a huge stone in the centre, in different shades of dull purple. Shiny blue shoes that curled upwards at the toe encased her feet. Her sense of style was even worse than Bella's! She clearly needed professional help.

_At least when I was to become Madame Alice _I _wouldn't dress like someone who had taken random clothes out of a child's dress-up box, _I thought with satisfaction.

There was one setback though. Even though I had browsed through countless sites I couldn't find her real name. No matter where I looked there was nothing. I didn't know why this was so important to me, but I couldn't shake of that strange feeling of need. I pondered through my frustrated thoughts, staring silently at the computer screen.

Jaspers arms wrapped around my waist. He must have gotten bored with his book and sensed my annoyance with his gift. "How is the research going?" he enquired, pressing a kiss against my head. I sighed. Jasper had been very supportive of the situation. But then he would have done anything for me and vice versa. Thinking about Jasper always brought about a sense of contentment and peace. He was my whole life, my saviour, my sun. I remembered of my first vision of him, a solitary soilder and how I had instantly known that I loved him for eternity and that we were going to belong together before I had even met him. The memory brought a small smile to my face.

"Could have been better", I replied, answering his question from before as he buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. I shut down the laptop and closed the lid and turned around to face him, staring into his warm golden eyes. They were another sign showing how much he had changed.

After Bella's disastrous birthday party, Jasper had been absolutely disconsolate, convinced that it was his fault that Edward left her, causing the calamitous chain of events that followed after. His depression had spread across the whole Cullen household and was magnified ten time more due to the loss of Edward and Bella. Bella was already a Cullen even though she wasn't married to Edward yet. _Yet_. I was certain that the proposal was going to come soon and was waiting for a vision. It was inevitable. After all Edward loved Bella more than everything else in the world. Jasper had only begun to forgive himself, even though Bella had forgiven him ages ago.

But his control was much better now. He could resist the temptation of human blood much more easily and that made me feel great pride for him.

"Jasper, will you go with me to Seattle?"

"Anything for you Ali", he responded using my special nickname.

This was only one of the reasons why I loved him so.

I decided to go shopping at the big mall in Seattle with Jasper for necessary equipment and clothing for my plan. I stuffed 50 of my credit cards (which was only one tenth of the credits cards I owned) in my purse. Jasper held his hand out to me. I took it and we flew down the stairs with our vampire speed, heading towards the garage. I picked up a familiar scent. Ah, Rosalie was here. This was exactly what I needed. Sure enough, I saw her crouched behind her cherry red convertible, with various tools scattered at her feet, her long hair tied up in a ponytail, out of harm's way.

Quickly, I told her everything about what had happened, from the show to my plan. Rosalie stared at me as I talked, one eyebrow raised. Every now and then her mouth twitched and her eyes would light up in obvious amusement.

"I would have never expected something like this to happen", she said slowly when I'd finished, laughing.

She smirked and opened her mouth to say something else when there was a huge crash and several cries from the living room, where Edward, Bella and Emmett were.

The three of us stared for a fraction of a second before we were running towards the house.

What could have possibly happened?

**Heh heh, I like cliffys. How was that for chapter 2? I will try and update as soon as possible.**

**Good fortune will come to those honourable enough to review! Alice says so! ;)**

**Byes, **

**-Frosty**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heelloo, I am back! Missed me? I bet that some of you are mad at me. Okay, mad is an understatement. How about really mad? Anyway I was in a phase where I was taking a break from fanfiction. Finals came, and I was waay to busy staying up all night cramming for the tests )=. Not good at all. But to make it up to you, this chapter is longer than what I'd usually write and I also spent AGES on it to make sure it was top-notch just for you guys.**

**Soo, I am dedicating this chapter today to jalice-love-twilight because your review made me smile :D. **

**DISCLAIMER: As much as I would like to, I do not own Twilight.**

The first thing I saw when Jasper, Rosalie and I reached the living room was utter chaos. It looked like as if a rampant bear had charged through the back window of our house, through the living room and wreaked destruction wherever it went. Emmett could be compared to a grizzly bear easily, even though inside he was a big friendly teddy bear.

Esme's beautiful vintage curtains where shredded to pieces and several pieces fluttered pathetically at the base of the huge window, which had a jagged crack running through the middle. Our television was broken _again, _the huge screen splintered and shattered. The couch, which Edward, Bella and Emmett were lounging on as they watched that poor excuse for a TV show had several large holes at the base, which were suspiciously shaped like fists.

And under the couch lay Bella, Edward and Emmett sprawled in a heap as they kept bickering about something. I frowned, Madame Cassandra was seriously not a good influence for them. These days, all they seemed to do when they came back from school was watch her show and then argue for what it seemed like an eternity, after it was finished.

"NO! You retard!"

"Emmett, I distinctly heard what she said. I heard what I heard"

"SHUT UP! Both of you! You guys are both wrong!"

"Why you li-"

"ENOUGH!" yelled Jasper. Everyone stopped short and gaped at Jasper in surprise. He was always calm and rarely shouted.

Heavy silence hung in the air. It was so quiet I could hear the tiny particles of dust spiralling in the air, making a soft whooshing sound. It was too quiet; the silencing was stifling; choking.

"Sorry," said Jasper, breathing heavily, an unnecessary action for a vampire. "The intensity of your emotions was getting to me. I couldn't take it anymore".

"So, what has got your hair in a twist?" asked Rosalie apathetically, though I knew that she was actually rather intrigued and slightly amused with this strange situation.

"Guess what Alice? You will never believe this…Madame Cassandra is having a contest!" burst out Emmett excitedly, his previously lost good humour restored back to full capacity.

"What type of contest?" I asked, my voice steady but inside I was reeling. That gypsy woman now thought of herself that highly that she was now going to hold a freaking _contest!_

I had to put my plan in action. Soon…before she went too far for anyone's good.

"What plan?" asked Edward, his focus now on me, staring at me with curiosity.

_Crap!_ I had forgotten all about Edward and that he could hear what I was thinking. _Think about something else Alice! _I thought to myself. I began reciting the periodic table of elements in Arabic hastily as Edward raised an eyebrow sceptically. He thankfully didn't press the matter anymore.

"So what is the contest about?" I asked the threesome on the floor, in an attempt to change the subject. It worked….for now.

"Well, you have to create the most imaginative fortune and then write it down and send it to Madame Cassandra. She then goes through all the entries and picks out the best three out of them all", began Emmett "I suggested that we should enter but _he _here" Emmett jabbed his finger towards Edward "Refuses to let us enter".

"You know why we cannot enter", said Edward "If we won th-"

"Huh! Of course we will win. You guys always win at things", interjected Bella.

Edward smiled slightly, "Yes, but it could put the secret of our existence at risk, love."

"Puh-lease! What's the fun in life without a little risk?" said Emmett.

We all glanced at each other, having no idea where to go on.

"Hang on people. You guys keep going on about the contest but what is the _prize? _Fools." said Rosalie contemptuously.

"The contestants that came third and second place get a DVD of all the episodes of her show" said Bella, "But she didn't say what would the prize for the contestant that came first would be. Madame Cassandra said that it was supposed to be a surprise".

I snorted. How very typical of that woman. If I got a DVD with all her shows on it I would snap it in half, and throw into the rubbish bin, where it belonged. And why didn't she say what the prize first place would get. _Probably because she doesn't know what she is going to give…_yet I still yearned to know what it was.

And so the discussion about Madame Cassandras *ohsowonderfulandamazing* contest was over for the time being.

The next day at school in first period, during an extremely tedious trigonometry class an announcement came over the P.A:

"THIS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL SENIORS OF FORKS HIGH SCHOOL. ON THE THIRTY-FIRST OF OCTOBER WE WILL BE HAVING A HALLOWEEN FAIR THIS YEAR. YOUR TEACHER WILL TELL YOU MORE DETAILS ABOUT THIS EVENT IN CLASS."

The room buzzed with excitement. People began whispering to their partners about the strange news that they had just heard. I could hear them clearly as if they were shouting out loud.

_Ohmigosh a fair-Wow can't believe it-Do we have to this in pairs-A fair in FORKS?-Halloween, cool maybe I'll go as a vampire._

The last comment made me smirk. It would be very interesting to see Mike Newton dressed up as a vampire. Edward would wet his pants laughing.

Jasper however was not happy. Having a Halloween fair meant socialising with humans. It was not as difficult as it was before, but it was still difficult for him to keep his thirst in check when he was around people and he still had to go hunting regularly.

The whispers began to increase in volume. Mr Varner seemed to realise this as well.

"_Silence_! Stop talking and do your work. Just because there has been an announcement doesn't give you the excuse to start talking in my class!" Mr Varner's face was a bright shade of red by the end of his outburst and was glaring at the class.

A boy with red hair and glasses tentatively raised his hand, "Mr Varner?"

"Yes." he growled, giving him the evil eye, making the boy cringe. He really was an unpleasant person, even for a human.

"A-are you, I-I mean aren't you going to tell us more about t-the h-Halloween fair?"

Poor kid…I pitied him.

Mr Varner scowled deeply at the boy, his eyes flashed with his annoyance.

Just then, a wave of pure, gut-wrenching fear rolled across the classroom, aimed directly at Mr Varner. His face drained of all colour and turned into a shade of an unhealthy white.

The boy, who looked like as if he wished that the ground would open up and swallow him just moments ago, now held an air of utmost confidence and self-assurance. What just happened?

_Jasper. _I grinned. He was manipulating their emotions. Despite the telling off that Jasper would probably get from Carlisle later, it was still funny in the moment.

The wimpy student frightening the ferocious teacher. How ironically sad.

"W-well what you need to d-do is to set up a stall, a-a game, something like that in groups up to th-three people. In three weeks t-time we will set up the stalls that are of course to be Halloween related, of course." stuttered Mr Varner

Mr Varner opened his mouth to say something else when his face grew even paler. He then promptly fainted, his head hitting the edge of the desk swiftly with a loud smack. Ouch, that was going to definitely leave a bruise.

The class began talking loudly again, wondering about what stalls they were going to hold and whether Mr Varner was sick.

"Hey, we could have this photography stall. It will be awesome, man. We could call it '_Pictures With A Vampire'_. I got this old cape and with some fangs, with them I would be an awesome vampire! It will be very authentic".

I knew that voice. It was the voice of that juvenile idiot, Mike Newton. Edward would wet his pants laughing while rolling on the floor when he heard this. _I wonder what would happen if I gave him a taste of what were really _authentic _vampires. His reaction would be something indeed._

Jasper looked at me, a lazy grin spreading across his beautiful face. His shiny blonde hair fell into his eyes, which two burning pools of gold, dazzling me. I had a sudden urge to kiss him, right there in the classroom. Jaspers grin grew as he read my emotions. He leant down and whispered "Later darlin'", his Southern accent showing slightly. My stomach curled into a pit of delighted anticipation and I smiled, taking his hand and squeezing it.

News at Forks High School spread fast. Very fast. When Jasper and I entered the cafeteria for 'lunch', everyone was gossiping about how the boy with glasses, whose name I found out was actually Barney Joose, had made Mr Varner faint. He was the centre of attention today, sitting in the middle of the table with a crowd of people gathered around him, asking for details. Nobody bothered to hide their delight. It seemed that the student body of Forks High didn't like Mr Varner that much either. The confidence that Barney had possessed previously, thanks to Jasper was now gone. He looked extremely uncomfortable with all the attention being heaped upon him by his peers. I thought of what happened to Mr Varner after he had fainted.

_-Flashback-_

_A deathly silence swept across the classroom after Mr Varner had blacked out. I glared at Jasper accusingly "What did you do to him?" Jasper looked at me guiltily, his eyes remorseful. _

"_I'm sorry. I guess I got carried away." I sighed. I could never stay mad at Jasper for long._

"_What are we going to do!" cried one person._

"_Mr Varner has just blacked out!" exclaimed another._

_The boy who Mr Varner had been picking now looked sick. "Did I make him faint?" he whispered "Maybe I should-" when he was cut off by Mike._

"_Never fear! Super Mike is here!" I almost gagged and watched on with the rest of the class as he proceeded to open his bottle of iced water and pouring it right on top of Mr Varner's balding head._

_-End Flashback-_

I chuckled, remembering how Mr Varner woke up moments after Mike had poured water all over him. He had been furious at Mike for soaking him and had given him lunchtime detention for a week, his loud voice cutting off the futile excuses that Mike was trying to give with no success. The whole class had found Mike's humiliation extremely entertaining. When Tyler had passed Mike in the hallway he yelled at the top of his voice "Never fear! Super Mike is here!" while everyone else within earshot snickered. I almost felt sorry for him, _almost._

I walked hand in hand with the most perfect man in the universe, my heart soaring. Edward and Bella weren't at our table yet, which usually happened as Bella was slow and I couldn't be bothered waiting for her.

"So what type of stall do you want?" asked Jasper.

"I don't know"

"Okay" he said easily "Maybe later then". 

"Wait!" I exclaimed, my palms flying out as if I was stopping traffic. "I know. I got it!" Things kept getting better and better. "This is perfect for our plan!" I beamed, clapping my hands together.

"What plan?" asked Bella as she sat down on the chair that Edward had pulled out for her.

"Nothing", I said innocently, quickly changing my thoughts to singing Avril Lavigne's song Girlfriend in Chinese in my head.

Edward frowned. "What are you keeping from me Alice? And please stop singing that song. You know how much I hate Avril Lavigne".

"No way. Get used to it. No one asked you to read my mind" I said, singing Girlfriend even louder than before.

Edward glowered. "I _will _find out what you're hiding from me", he growled lowly.

"You will, over my dead body".

"Umm, Alice aren't you like, technically already dead?" Bella said timidly.

"Whatever" I said flippantly. "You know what I mean".

Jasper laughed.

**That's the end of chapter 3. Things are sure getting heated up. Hmm, I wonder what Madame Cassandra's first prize is? What do you think? And poor Mike…haha…he couldn't save a fly let alone a person =P. I'll make sure I will update more quickly now, you guys forgive me?**

**Now go ahead and press that little button. You know you want to! (:**

**Frosty xx**


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